Anybody out there?
My body falls over on the side of the bed, with the downhearted piano song going on in a loop and the dim light in the room. The ambiance speaks to me as if they understand me. They understand my sorrow and pain. I wonder, is there anybody out there who feels the same.
Empty, scared, fearful, uncertain, worthless…
Anybody out there understands me because I can’t. Dare to step into the unknown. Little did I know it's a dark tunnel. Fear creeps me out in the corner of the room, and I seem to have no power fighting over it. I just… let it be. No resistance.
Every time I look at my body, I feel like a loser
Every time I look at my bank account, I feel like a loser
Every time I think about my career, I feel like a loser
I scream out loud, hoping for help. Anybody out there can light up this darkness. Even just a little sparkle would bring me so much joy, I believe.
I’m not angry, I’m not anxious, I’m just sad, and I don’t fight it. I don’t have enough energy to fight it at this moment. Maybe it's laziness. Maybe I have fought for so long I drained out all my energy. Maybe I want to be friends with the pain.
The sky is gloomy and grey. I see no sunlight. But I know the cloud will go away one day, the sky will be blue, and the sun will shine again. It will and always be.
Anybody out there!
P.S: there is always someone here to have and to hold. It’s you